ECONOMIC SITUATION AND GROUND RULES
FROM: FATHER
TO: ALL DE PENDANTS AND RELATIVES
CC: MOTHER
DATE: TODAY
ECONOMIC SITUATION AND GROUND RULES
Due to the current economic situation, all domestic rules and
regulations have been revised as below and under no circumstance is any
violation going to be accepted.
1. The Kitchen and all pantries are
declared Restricted Zones. Entry and/or passage shall require express
permission from myself upon submission of written request.
2. Breakfast is banned. This matter cannot be discussed!
3. Such food items as rice, chicken, butter, jam, eggs, bread and milk
are Restricted. Anyone intending to eat any of such foodstuffs must
write to me in triplicate, with three days notice, giving justifications
backed by a qualified dietician's report.
4. Watering with hoses is
banned. Further, only food-giving plants shall be watered. No lawns or
flowers shall receive water. For internal decoration, only plastic and
dry-flower arrangements shall permitted.
5. Bathing in the morning
is limited to 5 litres of water per day per person while bathing in the
evening is banned unless there are medical reasons.
6. All security
lights should be removed with immediate effect. All dependants shall
abide by an all-night guard-duty roster I shall make available shortly.
7. No dependant shall entertain friends indoors, far less attempt to
offer food, drinks or even music. Those who want their guests to listen
to music shall sing for them.
8. No one is allowed to talk to
officials from police, Council or Court Bailiffs; doing so shall carry
an instantaneous penalty of ejection from the house.
9. Anybody who
breaks a glass, furniture or any other property in the house, shall
immediately have to seek temporary employment somewhere to earn money to
replace such broken item(s).
10. All visitors intending to spend a
night/week or more shall apply in triplicate and give two months notice,
with an endorsement from their town Mayor, Village Headman or Church
Priest, giving convincing reasons why they can't stay at their homes.
Failure to do this shall result in their being turned away, at the gate,
upon arrival.
THESE RULES ARE BINDING AND NOT SUBJECT TO ANY DISCUSSION WHATSOEVER!!!
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